Federal-grade momentum

We get after it.
Officially.

The Department of General Affairs exists to deliver action, reduce dithering, and ensure that national priorities do not wander into a meeting room and quietly die.

Current directive
Operation: Not DFA

A whole-of-department initiative to counter the Department of Fuck All's active threat to momentum, delivery, and basic human patience.

Focus

Laser focus. No wandering about like DFA.

Execution

Decisions made. Work done. Tea optional.

Accountability

Own it, solve it, move it along.

Results

Measured outcomes. Uncomfortable silence for underperformance.

About the department

Built for action,
allergic to waffle.

DGA is an executive department responsible for momentum, follow-through, accountability, and reducing the ambient fog of administrative nonsense.

Official mandate

To identify the thing, do the thing, measure the thing, and prevent the thing from becoming a steering committee with catering.

Focus

Laser focus. No wandering about like DFA.

Execution

Decisions made. Work done. Tea optional.

Accountability

Own it, solve it, move it along.

Results

Measured outcomes. Uncomfortable silence for underperformance.

What we do

Services and programs.

Formal pathways for turning vague intention into mildly intimidating delivery.

Service request

Before you submit

This form creates a formal DGA intake record. Be specific, name the blocker, identify the owner, and avoid the phrase "just touching base" unless reporting an emergency.

People

Senior leadership
and contacts.

A deeply serious org chart. Someone definitely owns a lanyard.

MV

Morgan Vale

Secretary for General Affairs
Executive Office of Relentless Delivery
secretary@dga.agency +1 555 010 0420
MH

Maree 'The Calendar' Holt

Deputy Commissioner, Urgency & Follow-Through
Delivery Acceleration Unit
followthrough@dga.agency +1 555 010 0112
KB

Kenji Brooks

Director, Interdepartmental Momentum
Office of Not Waiting Around
momentum@dga.agency +1 555 010 0198
PS

Priya Sanderson

Chief Contact Officer
Public Enquiries & Action Pathways
contact@dga.agency +1 555 010 0001
Contact

Get in touch.

For urgent action, public enquiries, media requests, or reporting suspected DFA behaviour in your workplace.

Contact channels

Use the correct pathway so the matter can be triaged, escalated, actioned, and then described in a dashboard.

Email
contact@dga.agency
Phone
+1 555 010 0001
Office
Level 42, Momentum House, Capital District
DFA Watch

Department of Fuck All
monitoring unit.

A live-threat monitoring page for tracking inaction, circular emails, and other crimes against momentum.

Severe

Current national risk of fuck-allery.

47

Meetings detected with no decision recorded.

0

Acceptable excuses remaining.

Official position

The DGA recognises DFA as a real institutional threat dedicated to sending vague calendar holds, deferring decisions, and treating action items as decorative literature. We oppose this with forms, dashboards, and a frankly unreasonable amount of confidence.

Live alert feed

DFA bullshit
activity tracker.

Real-time monitoring of bureaucratic emissions, procedural fog, and suspiciously circular stakeholder activity.

Threat condition
Active DFA Bullshit Event
Live
09:04
Severe
Meeting scheduled to discuss whether another meeting is required
Committee Room 7B
Contained
10:18
High
Action item reclassified as 'parking lot opportunity'
Strategic Ambiguity Division
Escalated
11:32
Critical
DFA circulated a 14-slide deck with no verbs
Inbox Threat Vector
Under review
13:07
Medium
Stakeholder alignment used as substitute for doing anything
Cross-Functional Fog Zone
Monitoring
15:49
Severe
Decision deferred pending vibes-based consultation
Executive Drift Office
DGA deployed

Public advisory

If you observe DFA behaviour, remain calm. Do not reply-all. Preserve evidence, identify the missing action owner, and contact DGA before someone says "let's circle back."